How To Tell Someone the Baby is Ugly…the Christian Way.
A scenario: Someone comes asking you to review their creative project. You immediately agree because you love helping your fellow creatives out. You take a look at this project and…you’re not sure you have anything nice to say about it…at all…how do you handle telling them their “baby is ugly” in an uplifting, Christian way?
Here are my (professional reviewer) top tips for navigating the tricky are of honest diplomacy with fellow creatives.
Discern between poor quality, sinful, and “not your style” — a piece of media might be “bad” for a variety of reasons, all of which require slightly different methods of advice giving. Being able to tell the difference will save both you and anyone who is looking for advice from you a world of hurt.
Call out sin — if a brother or sister in Christ is creating something that invites lust, incites unrighteous anger, encourages theft, jealousy, or greed, or is in some other way glorifying sin, call it out. They have come to you seeking advice, and so you are in the position to lovingly — but firmly, if need be — tell them their project is going to cause others to stumble and that they need to seek repentance and fix their project so that it reflects more Godly values. Be sure to pray for them in this situation, as well, and pray that God can guide your words as you show them the sin in their work.
Meet them at their level — take the time to asses the skill and talent level of the person before you rip their project to pieces. You don’t review or give advice to an eight-year-old’s first novel like you do the comic of someone who has been to art school for comic book design. Take into account how long they have been pursuing their creative endeavor and what education they have (education isn’t a great indicator, but it can be useful). Understand that people are at different levels of skill and need different kinds of advice.
View your advice as one piece on their journey of improvement — you are not the end-all, be-all director of their creative journey; God is. Your advice is one part of a larger whole that is God guiding them through their creativity. You don’t have to call out every single missed “i” and forgotten comma; choose a handful of issues that really stand out to you and focus on that. If they come back to you for more, select the next few things that stand out and so on and so forth. It might be that they want your advice on a few things, but not on others, and that is okay!
Brutal honesty is just cruelty — if you are unsheathing your honest opinion like it is some kind of sword with which to hack apart a project, you’ve already failed to be helpful. Of course, you don’t want to lie about the project (that is just as bad, if not worse), but being diplomatic, phrasing things in an uplifting way, and having mercy on a project — and, by extension, the person who made it — are excellent and worthy skills to develop. This doesn’t mean your entire critique needs to be soft or diplomatic, but put in effort to keep the “brutal” out of your honesty.
Find something to compliment — this one is incredibly tricky, but if you can find one genuine thing to compliment about the project, the better. Do not lie, of course, and if you can’t find anything to compliment about the project, compliment the time and effort the person poured into creating the project. A helpful tip for this is to practice finding the good in the bad with other pieces of media. There is usually at least something that can be complimented, however small or trivial.
Encourage what you want to see — despite how terrible a project might be, there is usually a spark of hope in it, somewhere (sometimes it is very difficult to see, but I’ve never seen a project without one). As soon as you find that spark of hope — that little, clever turn of phrase, that well-drawn line, that dialogue delivered — you can latch onto, use that to guide your advice. Bring it forward in your critique, encourage the person in this direction, not only complimenting how well they did in this area, but also telling them why it works in the project and how they can develop the skill to do it again and again.
Don’t be mean — this one seems almost too straightforward to add to the list, but it’s probably one of the most important. Keep the snarky comments, the mean giggles, and the judgmental looks to yourself. None of those things are going to be useful to the person you are trying to help and, in fact, might cause enormous amounts of damage to your relationship with them.
Remember Humility — you are not the ultimate center of the creative universe, God is. Even when giving advice, you need to take a servant’s heart, looking towards the other person with love, diligence, and honesty. If you have no idea how to approach a critique, ask God for guidance! There is no shame in humbling yourself before Him and listening to what He has to say.
It is difficult to tell someone their baby is ugly, but there are ways to go about it smartly!
Putting it Into Action
Next time someone comes to you, asking for a review on a project that is absolutely terrible, first and foremost pray to God. Ask Him for wisdom and guidance, not only on what to say to the person and how to review their project, but also when to hold your tongue and how to keep your honesty from turning brutal.
If you struggle with how to provide uplifting and helpful feedback, go find a piece of media that you know has a reputation for being unpolished or, even, downright terrible. Pretend that the writer, artist, or director has sat down in front of you and is asking for your opinion, and practice giving them advice that is helpful, but not cruel or dismissive. It may take some getting used to, but if you pray for guidance and keep in mind a humble posture, you will be able to get it!
“Let all you do be done in love.”
“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
“Be devoted to one another in love. honor one another above yourselves.”
